A Very Sheogorath Christmas
by Leonineus
Summary: The product of a very strange conversation on an ESO RP guild while searching for something to do a Christmas oneshot about. Blame them rather than me. Merry Christmas, all.


A Very Sheogorath Christmas

After a number of years of going back and forth between reality and Wonderland, Alice was proud to admit that she could easily find her way through the nonsensical reality with ease.

Today, however, something seemed… different.

Perhaps it was that she had arrived just before Christmas, a time largely considered a rather magical time of year.

But this… this was new.

"Hello," said the man standing before her, "Are you here for My Lord's Christmas do?"

"Um… yes?" Alice said, "But… who are you?"

"I am Haskill. Come, come," he gripped her by the upper arm and escorted her along the path towards where she knew the Mad Hatter's tea party to be located.

What she found when she arrived was definitely new.

The Mad Hatter's table had been extended, and strange creatures of every description sat around it. Sweeping her eyes along it, she soon spotted the Mad Hatter and the March Hare sitting at one end, next to an enormous throne, and across the table from a young woman in some sort of silvery leather and an empty seat.

It was this empty seat that Haskill steered her to.

"Hi," said the young woman, smiling comfortingly at her as she sat, "And you are?"

"Alice," said Alice, a little puzzled as to what was going on. Now that she looked at the young woman, she found she was quite beautiful, with bronzed skin, hypnotic dark eyes and auburn hair, though most of the blonde's attention was upon the woman's long, pointed ears.

The young woman noticed her focus, "What's wrong?" she queried, "Never seen a Bosmer before?"

"A Bosmer? I can't say I've seen one in Wonderland before…"

"Wonderland?" Now the Bosmer looked quizzical, "What's Wonderland? You're in the Shivering Isles, miss. The realm of Sheogorath, the Daedric Prince of Madness."

Now Alice was quizzical, "The… Shivering Isles?"

The young woman smiled, "Aye. Each of the Daedric Princes holds sway over a section of Oblivion. This is Sheogorath's realm, the Shivering Isles. Anyway, I'm Aenie, formerly of Valenwood, home of the Wood Elves. Now Dragonborn and Nightingale. Nice to meet you."

"Likewise," Alice nodded, "How did you come to be… here?"

"Oh, me and Sheogorath have crossed paths in the past. I didn't actually know I was invited until he snatched me up and brought me. I'm surprised I haven't seen Sanguine yet, he could never ignore a good party for long- ah, seems like our host is arriving!"

Alice turned to the throne, which suddenly had a man in it. He was quite surprising to behold, wearing a suit which seemed just the right eye-watering combination of purple and orange. His eyes, coloured the milky white of the blind but somehow still able to see, looked at her, "Ah! I see we have a new guest! What's yer name, little girly?!"

"A-Alice," Alice stammered, a little unnerved by this individual.

Ainie nudged her, "Don't worry. Sheo's harmless as long as you don't give him reason… mostly."

"Ah, Aenie!" laughed the madman, "Yer words do strike to the core of me being! Me, 'armless! Why I should turn ye into a goat for that! But I think dear Turney would get angry at poor Sheogorath!"

Ainie chuckled, "Perhaps."

"Turney?" asked Alice.

"Nocturnal," Aenie explained, "My patron. She's another Daedric Prince."

"She's a Prince?" repeated Alice.

"Don't get too bogged down in trying to explain the given genders of a Daedric Prince or you'll go insane," Aenie warned, "Then again, trying to explain anything about a Daedric Prince is usually a remedy for driving yourself out of your mind. How did you come to be here anyway?"

"I followed a white rabbit down a hole," Alice admitted.

"Well, that's a new one for me," said Aenie, "But to each their own. I've heard weirder."

"Was that a challenge that met me ears?" Sheogorath boomed, suddenly diverted from his conversation with the Mad Hatter.

"No!" said Aenie sharply.

"Party pooper!" Sheogorath shot at her, but he laughed, "Now, little girly! Do ye want some cheese? Finest Imperial vintage!"

"I'll take some," Aenie said, "Say what you like about Sheogorath, he always has good cheese."

"Quite right, quite right!" Sheo snapped his fingers, and suddenly the two women had piles of cheese on their plates.

"Um," said Alice, "I can't stay long. My family will be meeting for Christmas dinner soon."

"Oh, don't worry about that," said Aenie, taking a bite of her cheese and almost moaning at the taste, "Time doesn't have much meaning in the Shivering Isles… nothing really does."

"You seem… comfortable about having been kidnapped for Christmas dinner," Alice murmured.

Aenie shrugged, chewing and swallowing her mouthful before responding, "I've long since learned how to deal with the whims of Daedric Princes. I'm just lucky that the only ones who've taken enough of an interest in me to bring me directly to their planes have been the less harmful ones."

"How… how many have you been in?"

"Hmm… well, this is my first time in the Shivering Isles. I've been in Apocrypha, that's the realm of Hermaeus Mora… picture the biggest library you've ever seen, stretched across an entire dimension and containing every piece of knowledge that ever existed… I suppose the Soul Cairn technically counts, though that's under the dominion of the Ideal Masters rather than the Daedric Princes. Can't say I've been in any of the others… though that's probably a good thing for some."

"Why?"

"Well, Azura's Moonshadow is a beautiful realm, so beautiful in fact that it blinds any mortal to lay eyes upon it. In contrast, there's Vaermina's Quagmire."

"What's that like?"

"Well, Vaermina is the Dreamweaver, and Quagmire is the Realm of Nightmares. Think of every bad dream you've ever had, but multiplied a thousandfold. It's a place of unspeakable terror."

Alice shivered.

"The Shivering Isles is a lovely holiday destination by comparison."

"Why thank ye!" Sheogorath interjected, having evidently been listening, "Would ye like some tea? Finest jazbay!"

Aenie nodded, taking another bite of her cheese.

"'Tis nice to have you back, Miss Alice!" said the Mad Hatter suddenly, "Have you been properly celebrating your un-Birthday?"

"Yes I have, Mr. Hatter," she said, "Every single day."

"Excellent!" said the Hare, "One must celebrate a proper un-Birthday!"

"By the by," said Sheogorath, "Has anyone seen the- ah! Cheshie!"

Alice turned her head. A familiar smile was hanging over Aenie's shoulder.

"Charmed to see you again, Miss Alice,"

With a startled oath at the voice right next to her ear, Aenie leapt from her chair, landed on the table (somehow expertly balancing herself so as not to disturb a single plate) and drew a long, elegant bow off her back, nocking an arrow directed at the amused feline, all seemingly in one motion.

"Wait!" Alice intervened, "It's just the Cheshire Cat!"

"Ugh," muttered Aenie, as she jumped back down from the table and stowed her bow, glaring daggers at the unfazed cat, "Blasted Daedra…"

"How rude," commented the Cheshire Cat, and flounced off along the table.

Aenie sat down again, taking some more cheese to take her mind off the surprise.

"Mr. Sheogorath…?" Alice asked.

Sheogorath looked at her, "So polite fer a mortal! Oh my! What's your question, girly? Well, speak up!"

"Is… the Queen of Hearts here?"

"Oh! Queenie! Yes, she is! Still delightfully mad! Shame I haven't been able to get her to actually behead anyone yet!"

"I see…?"

"Do ye want to see her?"

"No!" Alice blurted sharply, "I just… wondered."

"Well, wonderin' is only 'alf of it, girly! I'll bring 'er here!"

-AVSC-

Fifteen minutes later.

"Well, that went well," said Alice optimistically.

The first thing the Queen of Hearts had done on arriving and seeing Alice was scream about her imminent beheading. Aenie, having taken a liking to the young blonde, had immediately drawn her bow on the Queen. That had led to the Queen telling her guards to kill Aenie for daring to draw a weapon upon her. After Aenie had finished beating the guards senseless, Sheogorath had sent the Queen away again, seeming to derive great amusement from the whole affair.

They had immediately moved onto the main course as a result, some enormous bird Haskill admitted was from somewhere called "Saronia" called a "Chocobo". Aenia and Alice had to admit that it tasted very good.

Alice had initially by unnerved by the servers, strange feminine beings that she had never seen before, but Aenia had referred to them as "Dark Seducers", and somewhat welcomed their company.

"What ye want for dessert, mortal?" addressed Sheogorath to Alice, once the chocobo had been eaten, "A salad? Some strawberry torte? More cheese?!"

"Um," Alice thought, "Strawberry torte, please."

"Still so polite! Me tiny ears can't believe it!" Sheogorath cackled, before directing one of his Dark Seducers to set a plate of torte down in front of Alice, who tucked in eagerly.

Aenie went back to her cheese. When quizzed by Alice, she blushed and admitted to really liking cheese.

"I have a question," said Alice quietly, as the two ate in quiet companionship.

"Hm?" said the Bosmer at her side.

"Is it just in here that time means nothing, or would it still be "stopped" in my world if I went to yours?"

"I don't know," said Aenie, "What's your thinking?"

"Well… I'd like to see your world. Elves, dragons, and all."

"It's not exactly at its best right now. There's a pretty bloody civil war going on."

Alice shrugged, "It's… boring back home. I want to see new places."

Aenia smiled, and patted the blonde on the top of the head, "Okay, sweetie. You can join me."

Alice beamed.

-AVSC-

At long last, the party broke up, and the two were escorted away by Haskill to go back to Nirn.

"You still sure you want to come with me, Alice?" Aenie asked.

At Alice's resolute nod, she smiled and took the younger girl's hand, "Alright. I guess with that hair you could pass as a Nord child, though we'll have to get you some different clothes if you're going to blend in. Alright Haskill, send us back."

"Very good, ma'am," said Haskill, "If you will read from the book."

Alice went first. She smiled at Aenie as she disappeared.

"She will have gone to Nirn with me, right?" said Aenie to Haskill.

"Of course," he replied, "If she wished to return to her own world, she would have taken the book two spaces down."

"Fair enough," Aenie said, stepping up to the plateau and looking down at the book.

As sparks of magic began to swirl around her, she briefly wondered what kind of adventures she and her new ward would have.

Somehow, she couldn't wait.

(A/N: Well, what do you know; I actually finished this before the wee hours of Christmas Day for once. Not up to my usual standards, but there you go. You guys have my RP guild on ESO to thank for this one; a joke about Wonderland from those nutcases while I was knee-deep in the Circus of Cheerful Slaughter gave me the idea for a Christmas oneshot I had been sorely lacking up to that point, and I knocked this out in about six hours. Anyway folks, have a lovely Christmas, a happy new year, and I'll see you next year! Peace! Leonineus, OUT!)


End file.
